


mom said it's my turn with the gay panic brain cell

by mchonda



Category: Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Comedy, Davey is a Mess, F/F, M/M, Modern Era, a groupchat fic no one asked for, eventual davey/jack, everyone just calls davey mom, totally not codependent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-01-24 09:10:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 10,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18568297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mchonda/pseuds/mchonda
Summary: davey has added jack, race, crutchie, spot, and kath to HELPIMDYINGLUEFBERGBHJBspot: mom, no one cares about your gay panicdavey: Stop calling me Mom!!!!!???? And who said this was a gay panic???!!!!race: so this has nothing to do with the tank top jack’s wearing today?jack: why would itdavey: oh SHIT LIUSRBIURILGBIJBspot has removed jack from HELPIMDYINGLUEFERGBHJB(aka a groupchat fic that's purely to feed my writers block)





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> this will just be absolute nonsense. it's my side project for when writers block is eating my soul. it will be updated periodically

 

_davey has added jack, race, crutchie, spot, and kath to HELPIMDYINGLUEFBERGBHJB_

 

**spot** : mom, no one cares about your gay panic

**davey:** Stop calling me Mom!!!!!???? And who said this was a gay panic???!!!!

**race:** so this has nothing to do with the tank top jack’s wearing today?

**jack:** why would it

**davey:** oh SHIT LIUSRBIURILGBIJB

 

_spot has removed jack from HELPIMDYINGLUEFERGBHJB_

 

**crutchie:** didn’t mean to add him, did ya buddy?

**davey:** hhhGGNNNLIUBRSGBUI NO

**kath:** he’s pouting in study hall now

**race:** let mom have his gay meltdown for a mo

**spot:** hurry it up will ya? coach is catching on to mine and race’s phones

**race:** and if he takes them away you’ll have to pick them up from the office after school, mom

**crutchie:** you know he can’t do that

**davey:** Okay, but he’s got arms????? They’re like big????

**kath:** oh _honey_

**davey:** and he hugged me this morning and I just ;elgbufsriltrblblhbljh

**davey:** anD NOW HE KNOWS OH MY GOD HE WAS IN HERE I CAN’T ADD HIM BACK HE’LL SEE ALL OF THIS LSIRRBGIEBIYB

**spot:** chill I booted him before you started melting into a gay pile

**kath:** except he’s trying to read over my shoulder right now

**davey:** LIUBGRLTUGBLRITBUGLRTIBGIULB

**spot:** code red

**race:** abORT ABORT ABORT

_davey has deleted HELPIMDYINGLUEFERGBHJB_

_  
_

 

 


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> but sir that's my emotional support spot conlon 
> 
> (aka spot actually likes these idiots)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> turns out i had more fun writing this than i expected so i whipped this up before bed last night 
> 
> i also played a bit more with formatting so let me know if it's easier to read this way
> 
> xx

_jack added davey, kath, race, cructhie to "wtf"_

 

**race:** excuse you

 

_race added spot to "wtf"_

 

**jack:** dammit

 

**spot:** fuck you jack

 

**crutchie:** good morning, guys!

 

**kath:** you’re too good for this world crutchie

 

**crutchie:** as are you, kath!!!

 

**jack:** so we just gonna ignore the groupchat from yesterday?

 

**davey:** So, are we*

 

**davey:** And yes, yes we are.

 

**race:** mom pls it’s two early for proper grammar

 

**spot:** too*

 

**jack:** get fucking rekt

 

**race:** okay but do u want ur dick sucked later or not, spot

 

**kath:** EW

 

_jack has left "wtf"_

 

_davey added jack to "wtf"_

 

**davey:** If I have to endure this, so do you Jackie.

 

**jack:** but daaaaaaaaavvvveeeeyyyyyyyy

 

**spot:** what are you? 12?

 

**race:** yeah it’s just blowjobs

 

**crutchie:** please stop if I get my phone taken by ms. hanna right now, I will actually die

 

**kath:** just say you’re talking to your emotional support idiots, works for spot in econ

 

**davey:** Spot does what now?

 

**jack:** awwwww spotty you do love us

 

_spot has removed jack from "wtf"_

 

_crutchie has added jack to "wtf"_

 

**crutchie:** don’t be afraid of your feelings, spot

 

**davey:** Of course! We’re here to support you, Spot!

 

_race has renamed chat “but sir that’s my emotional support spot conlon”_

 

**spot:** ur all fucking walking home

 

**spot:** except u crutch

 

**davey:** You’re the only one with a car??!!!!!

 

**kath:** spot it’s cold though!!!

 

**jack:** and fucKING SNOWING

 

**race:** I’m literally ur boyfriend???

 

**spot:** sorry we can’t hear you over the heater in my car!!!!

 

_spot has removed crutchie from “but sir that’s my emotional support spot conlon”_

 

_spot has left “but sir that’s my emotional support spot conlon”_

 

**davey:** We’re in 3rd period?? He’s literally sitting at the desk next to me???

 

**kath:** LUIBGRTIUBGIUTBG

 

**race:** change of plans spot’s totally getting his dick sucked tonight bc that was funny as fuck

 

**jack:** NOPE

 

_jack has left “but sir that’s my emotional support spot conlon”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: willrolcnd


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jack: he’s cute EVEN IN AN OUT OF SEASON SHIRT
> 
> jack: LIKE??? WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT???
> 
> kath: oh my god
> 
> crutchie: compliment him, of course!!
> 
> race: suck his dick worked for me
> 
> jack: YOU DID WHAT TO DAVEY
> 
> spot: sometimes jack ur so fucking stupid I literally can’t comprehend it
> 
> kath: what spot said
> 
> jack: when did this turn into insult jack kelly hour?
> 
> race: it’s always insult jack kelly hour darling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR LOVE I DIDN'T EXPECT IT SO HERE'S ANOTHER NONSENSE CHAPTER FOR YOU

_jack has added crutchie, kath, race, spot to “oh my G O D”_

 

**jack:** do NOT ADD DAVEY

 

_spot renamed chat to “oh look another gay panic”_

 

**jack:** SPOT PLEASE

 

**race:** fuck off that’s my line kelly

 

**jack:** kath??? crutchie??? help???

 

**kath:** seriously? the flannel that davey is wearing today is really doing it for you?

 

**crutchie:** it’s orange and black jack and it’s February

 

**crutchie:** not that davey doesn’t pull it off of course!!!  

 

**kath:** ^^^^

 

**kath:** it’s just lsugbliygltu

 

**spot:** it’s just we didn’t know u had a halloween-ish lumberjack kink

 

**jack:** okay OKAY I see your point

 

**jack:** but consider this

 

**race:** it’s been 5 minuts what the hell are we considering

 

**jack:** he’s cute EVEN IN AN OUT OF SEASON SHIRT

 

**jack:** LIKE??? WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT???

 

**kath:** oh my god

 

**crutchie:** compliment him, of course!!

 

**race:** suck his dick worked for me

 

**jack:** YOU DID WHAT TO DAVEY

 

**spot:** sometimes jack ur so fucking stupid I literally can’t comprehend it

 

**kath:** what spot said

 

**jack:** when did this turn into insult jack kelly hour?

 

**race:** it’s always insult jack kelly hour darling

 

**crutchie:** and we’re all in English right now and we all know the only person who cares about this class is davey. therefore we have nothing better to do jack.

 

**spot:** crutch is in with the sass today fellas

 

**jack:** wait aren’t we reading that Romeo and Juliet shit today

 

**kath:** do you not see the book on everyone’s desks

 

**spot:** oh my god

 

**crutchie:** is HE !!!!!!!????????

 

**kath:** LIUGBLRIRTLBGIBIUBU

 

**race:** JACK ARE YOU REALLY VOLUNTEERING TO READ AS JULIET BECAUSE DAVE JUST VOLUNTEERED TO BE ROMEO

 

**race:** SPOT IF U DON’T FILM THIS I’M BREAKING UP WITH U

 

**crutchie:** I can’t watch this. I’m choking on secondhand embarrassment.

 

**kath:** I think spot is dying next to me??? He’s wheezing???

 

**race:** THAT’S JUST HIS LAUGH KATH

 

**kath:** I think he’s actually crying race

 

**race:** ffs crutchie pls tell me u filming this

 

**crutchie:** already thinking of playing it at their wedding racer

 

**jack:** not a word

 

**race:** “give me my davey-I’s mean my Romeo” – jack kelly, 2019

 

**crutchie:** that was very brave of you, jack!!

 

**kath:** smashing gender norms like a real ally

 

**spot:** jesus fucking christ ur my fucking hero jack kelly

 

( _message deleted)_

 

**race:** well I think u broke spot

 

**jack:** please tell me someone got a screenshot of that

 

**crutchie:** it’s going in the same file as the video of yours and dave’s lovely performance

 

**jack:** I regret meeting every single one of you

 

_jack has deleted “oh look another gay panic”_


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> davey: Jackie boy, why don’t you tell our friends what you just asked me?
> 
> race: oh fuck he pulled out the Jackie boy
> 
> spot: rip in pieces jack kelly 1947-2019
> 
> race: 1947
> 
> kath: 1947
> 
> crutchie: 1947
> 
> jack: IM ONLY A YEAR OLDER THAN YOU GUYS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh shit im back. im just about done with midterms so y'all might get more frequent updates now 
> 
> this chapter is also known as "how many quips can i use that i picked up from watching dr lupo videos?"
> 
> also jack and spot are the adoptive brothers of ms medda don't @ me

_davey has added jack, spot, crutchie to ”but sir that’s my emotional support spot conlon”_

 

 **spot:** okay but the chat name needs to go

 

 **race:** absolutely not

 

 **davey:** Okay, I called you all here for a reason.

 

 **kath:** oh shit who pissed off mom

 

 **crutchie:** certainly not me

 

 **race:** I sincerely think its impossible for u to piss someone off

 

 **crutchie:** : )

 

 **davey:** I’m not angry.

 

 **spot:** oh shit

 

 **davey:** I’m just disappointed.

 

 **race:** jack what did U DO?????

 

 **jack:** LOUBLIUBTRU WHY DO YOU THINK IT WAS ME

 

 **davey:** Because it was you.

 

 **kath:** oh my god mom and dad are fighting get your screenshots ready boys

 

 **crutchie:** I think we’re past screenshots I already got jacks tombstone made

 

 **jack:** STOP

 

 **davey:** Jackie boy, why don’t you tell our friends what you just asked me?

 

 **race:** oh fuck he pulled out the Jackie boy

 

 **spot:** rip in pieces jack kelly 1947-2019

 

 **race:** 1947

 

 **kath:** 1947

 

 **crutchie:** 1947

 

 **jack:** IM ONLY A YEAR OLDER THAN YOU GUYS

 

 **davey:** Just tell them what you asked me.

 

 **jack:** NO THEY’LL JUST BULLY ME

 

 **race:** there’s no need to yell jack

 

 **crutchie:** this is a safe space

 

 **kath:** remember we’re your emotional support idiots

 

 **jack:** DAVEY

 

 **davey:** Jack.

 

 **jack:** daveeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyy

 

 **spot:** god you guys are the weirdest flirters

 

 **kath:** wait aren’t you guys at davey’s studying for math?

 

 **jack:** MAYBE

 

 **davey:** Tell them, Jack.

 

 **jack:** OKAY OKAY OKAY

 

 **jack:** LOOK

 

 **jack:** WE ALL HAVE OUT MOMENTS

 

 **davey:** Our*

 

 **jack:** AND SOMETIMES WE BLANK AND HAVE TO ASK WHAT 2 + 2 IS OKAY

 

 **spot:** jesus fucking christ

 

 **kath:** jack we’re seniors in high school

 

 **spot:** race wants to call you names but he laughed so hard he hit his head on my desk and is just lying on the floor hiccupping

 

 **crutchie:** 4 jack. 2+ 2 = 4 jfc

 

_race changed “but sir that’s my emotional support spot conlon” to “2 + 2 = 4 jack”_

 

 **race:** mom was there smoke coming out of his ears???

 

 **race:** when he asked???

 

 **race:** or a smell?? bc theres a smell when he’s thinking too hard

 

 **kath:** LIUBGLRTUGBIUTGB

 

 **spot:** he’s right mama medda has to use febreeze when he’s studying

 

 **crutchie:** like a burnt out radiator

 

 **jack:** SEE DAVE NOW IM BEING BULLIED

 

_jack has left “2 + 2 = 4 jack”_

 

 **race:** how hard is he pouting right now on a scale from 1 – u ignored his text for more than an hour

 

 **davey:** Like that time I had to take a test and missed lunch.

 

 **kath:** YIKES

 

 **spot:** jesus just kiss already

 

 **davey:** HA not a chance!

 

_davey has left “2 + 2 = 4 jack”_

 

 **crutchie:** they give me stress acne


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kath has added davey, jack to “2 + 2 = 4 jack”
> 
> kath: mission “get spot and race’s app’s in on time” has been completed
> 
> crutchie: … the deadline is in two hours
> 
> kath: you underestimate how difficult this mission was crutchie
> 
> jack: the only reason I got mine in early was because of davey
> 
> kath: nyu should let us all in just for making sure we didn’t let race write his essay on spot’s ass
> 
> race: they said 500 words on something important to you
> 
> race: spot’s ass is important to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk what this chapter is but here it is
> 
> (also none of this chapter is ever actually davey, it's sarah)

_kath has added davey, jack to “2 + 2 = 4 jack”_

 

**kath:** mission “get spot and race’s app’s in on time” has been completed

 

**crutchie:** … the deadline is in two hours

 

**kath:** you underestimate how difficult this mission was crutchie

 

**jack:** the only reason I got mine in early was because of davey

 

**kath:** nyu should let us all in just for making sure we didn’t let race write his essay on spot’s ass

 

**race:** they said 500 words on something important to you

 

**race:** spot’s ass is important to me

 

**davey:** ohMBYFR GOD

 

**davey:** U LIL SHITS AL L APPLIED TO THE SAME COLLEGE

 

_davey changed “2 + 2 = 4 jack” to “codependent idiots”_

 

**crutchie:**????????

 

**jack:** hi sarah

 

**kath:** hi sarah

 

**spot:** hi sarah

 

**race:** were not codependent

 

**crutchie:** we just know that if we don’t go where dave and kath go we’ll flunk out of university

 

**crutchie:** also hiiiiiiiiiiii sarah!!!!!!!

 

**davey:** ah yes of course David didn’t spend his entire time visiting me by using my wifi to group skype you idiots

 

**davey:** (hi crutchie boi ily)

 

**spot:** irrelevant

 

**jack:** yeah we just have a group promise to not watch brooklyn 99 without everyone

 

**crutchie:** and he was at your place when the new episode came out so

 

**race:** totally not codependent

 

**davey:** ……

 

**kath:** reading that back I realize we did not help our argument

 

**davey:** no, no you really didn’t

 

**jack:** where is dave anyway?

 

**jack:** noT THAT YOU AIN’T A GEM TO TALK TO

 

**race:** but he can’t spend more than ten minutes without talking to ur brother

 

**jack:** SHUT UP RACE

 

**davey:** he’s helping mama make chicken soup and left his phone unguarded. amateur.

 

**spot:** …chicken soup you say

 

**race:** like The chicken soup

 

**crutchie:** the one your mom made when I was sick that one time

 

**kath:** the actual Jacobs’ Chicken Soup

 

**davey:** …..jfc I’ll have them make it a double serving. honestly I can’t with you lot

 

**jack:** is it bad that spot and I are already in his car or???

 

**spot:** race, crutch, kath listen for the honk

 

**davey:** totally not codependent

 

**race:** shut up sarah

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> might accidentally make crutchie/sarah a thing woops


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> davey goes on a date 
> 
> (aka spot is protective and operation: javid is a go)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no lie this one is for nea bc she came up with the idea of them having a color-coded chart to tell when jack was having a davey related breakdown

_spot has created a new chat “jack’s weekly davey breakdown”_

 

_spot had added race, kath, and crutchie to “jack’s weekly davey breakdown”_

 

 **spot:** we have a problem

 

 **spot:** jack’s off schedule

 

 **kath:** how so?

 

 **race:** how bad is it?

 

 **crutchie:** can I ask what the fuck y’all are on about

 

 **race:** y’all

 

 **kath:** y’all

 

 **spot** : FOCUS

 

 **spot:** it’s a Saturday. he hasn’t seen davey today but he’s on the floor of my room making noises

 

 **spot:** it might be laughing or it might be crying

 

 **spot:** but he hasn’t seen davey so I don’t know what is going on

 

 **race:** ok ok ok what does Saturday stand for on the chart kath

 

 **kath:** blue: jack whines about seeing davey in pajamas and his soft hair

 

 **crutchie:** wait you actually made a chart of jack’s davey related meltdowns

 

 **crutchie:** when I suggested that it was a JOKE

**spot:** irrelevant

 

 **race:** ok but he hasn’t seen davey today so why is he losing it

 

 **kath:** I have an idea

 

_kath has added sarah to “jack’s weekly davey breakdown”_

 

 **sarah:** why

 

 **crutchie:** hi sarah!!!!!

 

 **sarah:** hiya love!!!!

 

 **spot:** what’s your brother done to mine

 

 **kath:** sorry sarah, jack’s either really happy or upset and we’re trying to figure out if it’s davey related

 

 **race:** its jack when is anything he does not davey related

 

 **sarah:** wait oh my god

 

 **sarah:** is jack freaking out because davey has a date tonight

 

 **race:** A DATE

 

 **kath:** UMMM WHAT

 

 **crutchie:** why would davey go on a date

 

 **spot:** sarah im gonna kick your brother’s ass

 

 **sarah:** go for it I told him it was stupid

 

 **sarah:** but he refuses to believe me when I tell him asking jack out would go well

 

 **race:** fucking davey

 

 **spot:** boy or girl? the date

 

 **sarah:** some dude named adam? something about him being on the rugby team

 

 **crutchie:** RUGBY ADAM???? god davey could do better

 

 **kath:** spot we’re coming over

 

 **spot:** I can handle my over dramatic brother

 

 **race:** oh we know but someones gotta stop u from hunting down and killing one of ur best friends

 

 **spot:** fine I’ll come pick you shits up

 

 **crutchie:** tell jack we’ll get mcflurry’s it’ll get him off the floor

 

 **sarah:** I’ll let you guys know how it goes because I doubt this will become a Thing

 

_sarah has left “jack’s weekly davey breakdown”_

 

 **kath:** we’re figuring out a way to get them together before we all lose our minds

 

_race has changed “jack’s weekly davey breakdown” to “operation: javid”_

 

 **race:** javid or javey

 

 **crutchie:** they both sound like std’s

 

 **race:** perfect. hurry up spot I want to kiss you

 

 **kath:** jfc

 

hours and hours later

 

_“codependent idiots”_

 

 **davey:** guysyssssssssssss

 

 **davey:** where ssss jsck

 

 **davey:** jack

 

 **crutchie:** you good there, davey?

 

 **race:** r u drunk??????? our mom????

 

 **kath:** davey, are you okay?

 

 **davey:** adam took me to thiiis party. beer pong happened

 

 **davey:** didn t tast eee like beer tbh

 

 **davey:** jacks ignoring me wheres he

 

 **spot:** none of your business

 

 **jack:** shut up spot

 

 **jack:** dave, you good?

 

 **davey:** JAAAACKKKKKKKK

 

 **davey:** Jackie I miss you

 

 **crutchie:** do you have someone to get you home, buddy?

 

 **davey:** donno

 

 **jack:** could you figure out where this party is and get yourself some water?

 

 **jack:** dave?

 

 **davey:** jack? it’s elmer, davey is saying something about needing an address. we’re at my place

 

 **spot:** could you watch out for him for a minute. we’re coming to get him now

 

 **davey:** sure gonna give him back the phone tho

 

 **davey:** spot????????????????????? el mer said you’re coming

 

 **race:** even drunk davey has amazing grammar

 

 **spot:** yes davey we’re all coming to get you

 

 **kath:** we’ll stop and get food on our way back and you’ll feel better

 

 **davey:** yo ou guys are the best

 

 **davey:** my favoritees

 

_jack to davey_

 

_12:43am_

 

 **jack:** sit tight, dave.

 

 **davey:** shouldn’t have gone out wi  th him

 

 **davey:** don’t even like him

 

 **jack:** I know, dave.

 

 **jack:** you’re staying with elmer? spot just ran a stop sign we’ll be there soon

 

 **davey:** I am. thank uyo jack

 

 **davey:** I lied

 

 **davey:** you’re my fvorite

 

 **davey:** don’t tell the others they be sad

 

 **jack:** I won’t

 

 **jack:** we’re here, dave, im coming to find you

 

 **davey:** you always find me

 

 **jack:** always will, dummy

 

 


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> race: BACK ON TRACK
> 
> race: THE WORD DUMPLING
> 
> race: baby ducks be called ducklings right?? they come from a big duck
> 
> race: so like dumpling implies there is a bigger dumpling. a dumple if u will
> 
> spot: im breaking up with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is super short and inspired by a tumblr post i saw and nea and i immediately decided it pertained to this fic. ur welcome

_“codependent idiots”_

 

**race:** okay but have we considered the word dumpling?

 

**race:** HELLO? theres no way u fucks are asleep

 

**jack:** not asleep just ignoring you

 

**race:** is that really any way to talk to ur future brother in law?

 

**spot:** jack what the fuck did you just throw at the wall between our rooms

 

**jack:** my sanity bc if I gotta be up talking to race so do you

 

**race:** really feeling the love here

 

**kath:** it is 2am why is my PHONE BLOWING UP

 

**spot:** now you’ve done it

 

**jack:** you don’t have your phone on do not disturb??? with us as friends??

 

**race:** smh amateur

 

**kath:** I know where both of you live, you know

 

**race:** BACK ON TRACK

 

**race:** THE WORD DUMPLING

 

**race:** baby ducks be called ducklings right?? they come from a big duck

 

**race:** so like dumpling implies there is a bigger dumpling. a dumple if u will

 

**spot:** im breaking up with you

 

**jack:** is this why you and spot are always up so late when you spend the night

 

**spot:** yes

 

**race:** NO

 

**kath:** I can’t believe you’re making me think at this kind of hour

 

**race:** but for real. dumple. is davey the dumple

 

**race:** and us, his dumplings

 

_jack has left “codependent idiots”_

 

_spot has left “codependent idiots”_

 

_kath has left “codependent idiots”_

**race:** bitches can’t handle the truth

 

_7:30 am_

 

**crutchie:** do I even want to know?

 

**race:** our friends can’t handle the brilliance of 2am racetrack

 

**davey:** Brilliance isn’t what I would call it.

 

**race:** shut up dumple


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> davey has a bruise, a war proposal is drawn, and spot needs to stop being so protective

_jack has created a chat “someones gonna die”_

 

_jack has added race, spot, crutchie, kath to “someones gonna die”_

 

**race:** okay yeah it was me who knocked over ur drying painting yesterday

 

**race:** but u can’t kill me im ur future brother in law and mom would be upset

 

**jack** : you DID WHAT

 

**race:** ….oh we’re not here for that

 

**race:** don’t listen to me im drunk

 

**crutchie:** we’re in 3rd period racer

 

**crutchie:** you’re drinking a juice box

 

**kath:** if nyu accepts any of us it will be a miracle

 

**jack:** WE’LL DISCUSS THIS LATER

 

**jack:** we’re here because of davey

 

_spot has renamed the chat “5 th gay panic this week”_

 

_jack has renamed the chat “no some1 is gonna fucking die”_

 

**jack:** davey has a bruise

 

**spot:** on his forehead, we saw but he’s also six feet tall and hits his head getting into my car at least once a week

 

**race:** by all means please try and fight spot’s car in davey’s honor I beg u

 

**jack:** shut up somethings fishy he did that stuttering thing he does when he lies when I asked

 

**kath:** as much as I would also love to see jack get into a fight with a car, he’s right.

 

**crutchie:** I did see him at his locker with morris and oscar yesterday

 

**race:** the delancey’s? pfffft davey would take ‘em out at the knees

 

**crutchie:** yeah for one us

 

**kath:**  butin defence of himself? not a chance

 

**race:** defence

 

**spot:** defence

 

**crutchie:** defence

 

**jack:** defence STOP OKAY FOCUS

 

**jack:** so he was seen with the delancey’s and now he has a bruise

 

**race:** ok so delancey’s have to die

 

**race:** crutch get ur crutch we’re going swinging

 

**kath:** this is davey. we’re seniors now this isn’t freshman year where he was getting pushed around by the football team and didn’t tell us. he’d tell us if there was trouble.

 

**jack:** spot what do you think

 

**jack:** spoooootttttttt?????

 

_spot to davey_

_10:34am_

 

**spot:** david jacobs

 

**davey:** Spot Conlon????

 

**spot:** so them delancey’s were hanging round your locker yesterday

 

**spot:** weird how you developed a bruise on your forehead since then

 

**davey:** I’m six feet tall and once knocked myself out getting into your car. The Delancey’s have nothing to do with the bruise.

 

**spot:** david

 

**davey:** Spot.

 

**spot:** david fucking jacobs

 

**davey:** Look! It’s a non-issue, okay?

 

**davey:** I can handle it. Just don’t tell Jack.

 

**spot:** him and race are already drawing up a war proposal you really thought we wouldn’t notice

 

**davey:** It was a shove, that’s it. If it became a problem, I was going to come to you, I’m not a 14-year-old freshman anymore. I can take care of myself.

 

**spot:** and yet you still have one thing in common with dumb freshman davey you forget people have your back

 

**spot:** you don’t have to fucking take care of yourself alone dumbass

 

**davey:** Just. I know, okay. I was really going to come to you if it became a problem, Spot.

 

**spot:** just me?

 

**davey:** Let’s be honest, Spot. Jack would get expelled and Race would use Crutchie’s crutch as a weapon while Kath and Crutchie watched. I can count on you to not be an idiot.

 

**spot:** true

 

**spot:** just fucking keep your dumb head down

 

_“no some1 is gonna fucking die”_

_2:01pm_

 

**race:** LMAOOOOO DID YOU SEE THE DELANCEY’S

 

**crutchie:** matching bloody noses

 

**kath:** jack, you could be less obvious

 

**jack:** are you kidding??? wasn’t me I still don’t know if it was them and dave would skin me if I was wrong

 

**spot:** who did the lord’s work then?

 

_davey to spot_

_2:13pm_

 

**davey:** Never mind, you are an idiot.

 

**davey:** ….but thank you.

 

**spot:** shut up mom


	9. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jack shouldn't drive and nyu holds davey's sanity in its grip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i wrote the first half of this drunk so there's that

_davey has added kath, jack, spot to “codependent idiots”_

 

**race:** oh shit I forgot to do something

 

_race has renamed “codependent idiots” “davey’s dumplings”_

 

**jack:** you’re not cute

 

**race:** excuse u im a fucking delight

 

**davey** : No one panic. I’m serious, okay? It’s going to be fine and everything will work out!

 

**crutchie:** dave you good?

 

**jack:** davey do I need to come over?

 

**davey:** I’m fine! TOTALLY FINE!

 

**davey:** No one has checked their emails, have they?

 

**spot:** it’s Saturday morning I’m avoiding responsibilities until at least noon

 

**kath:** oh no

 

**kath:** its time isn’t it davey

 

**davey:** IT IS! OKAY I CAN’T KEEP PRETENDING. IM GONNA VOMIT OH GOD ITS TIME

 

**race:** wanna spell it out for ur favorite idiots

 

**kath:** ACCEPTANCE EMAILS RACE JFC

 

**spot:** oh fuck forgot about that

 

**davey:** FORGOT HOW COULD YOU JUST ;AEGHOEGNOEUNVO

 

**jack:** okay yup no one look at their email. spot get your keys and dave let your ma know we are all coming over

 

**crutchie:** I think I caught dave’s nerves through text

 

**race:** same is this nauseous anxious feeling what you feel like every day mom?

 

**davey:** LUIBRTUBGTLIRUGBIUX,K Dsah lr;etegn

 

**spot:** error 404 the davey jacobs you are trying to reach is undergoing maintenance

 

**kath:** stop texting and driving spot

 

**spot:** yeah so im not driving

 

**race:** who the fuck is then

 

**spot:** I could tell ya but we all know the answer

 

**crutchie:** NO

 

**race:** SPOT WHY

 

**kath:** JACK ONLY HAS HIS PERMIT THAT’S ILLEGAL???

 

**davey:** Oh god oh god all my friends are going to die

 

**spot:** on the bright side nyu can’t reject us if we’re dead

 

**crutchie:** please stop you’re going to break davey

 

**spot:** in case you can’t hear the honking, we’re here kath

 

**kath:** pray for me

 

**race:** godspeed

 

**kath:** honestly he could be doing worse

 

**spot:** really? we just got passed by a grandma with a handicap parking permit

 

**crutchie:** what you saying about the handicap spot

**spot:** im saying hurry up and hobble out of ur house we’re here

 

**davey:** CAN YOU HURRYB UP PLDSN

 

**davey:** HG NVGNNFK THE DOOR IS UNLOCKED JUST COME IN IM LOCKING MY PHONE IN THE FREEAZER

 

**race:** oh ffs davey don’t do that

 

**race:** …dave?

 

**race:** he actually put his phone in the freezer didn’t he

 

**kath:** oh for sure

 

**spot:** race get your ass in the car

 

**race:** can I sit in your lap

 

**kath:** that’s also illegal

 

**race:** I don’t want to come then

 

**spot:** tony get in the fucking car

 

**crutchie:** daaaaaaaamn

 

**race:** ugh I hate this family

 

**kath:** davey we’re on the way

 

**kath:** oh wait he’s an anxious mess and put his phone in THE FREEZER

 

**race:** yo @ davey’s freezer tell davey we’re almost there

 

**spot:** I hate you

 

**kath:** you say after you just made me switch seats with you so you could be next to race

 

**crutchie:** we are all literally in the same car why are you texting

 

**kath:** I’m afraid if I open my mouth again I’ll vomit from nerves

 

**race:** fair

 

**jack:** dave we’re here

 

**race:** his phone is in his freezer

 

**jack:**???? **  
**

 

**spot:** don’t ask

 

**kath:** well let’s go meet our fate, boys

 

**race:** oh thank god I thought we were just gonna keep sitting here in silence  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will they get in??? find out next time


	10. 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the promise land

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah so this was supposed to be a sprace update to cheer up nea but jack and davey decided otherwise.

_“davey’s dumplings”_

_7:12am_

 

 **race:** in times of trouble, I ask myself

 

 **race:** what would davey do?

 

 **race:** and then I do the exact opposite

 

 **davey:** It’s 45 minutes until school starts, what hard decision could you be making?

 

 **race:** have an eggo waffle or fruit loops for brekkie

 

 **jack:** valid

 

 **davey:** Eggo Waffles, obviously.

 

 **race:** fruit loops it is, thanks mom.

 

 **crutchie:** race im disappointed

 

 **kath:** fuck. guess we gotta kill race, he disappointed crutchie.

 

 **spot:** rip

 

 **race:** what thE SHIT FIGHT FOR MY HONOR SPOT

 

 **crutchie:** chill I meant you’re getting lazy at changing the chat name

 

_crutchie has renamed “davey’s dumplings” “nyu bound bitches”_

 

 **davey:** Oh, thank God!!!! I thought I hallucinated our acceptance emails.

 

 **jack:** of course you didn’t hallucinate, they’d be dumb as shit to not accept you dave

 

 **davey:** Me??? Okay, Mr. Full-Art-Scholarship.

 

 **jack:** hush you

 

 **davey:** Someone has to sing your praises, Jackie.

 

 **race:** (@crutchie, @spot, @kath should we just leave them to their weird af mating ritual orrrrr?)

 

 **kath:** (it’s too hard to look away like when you see a car crash)

 

 **jack:** what is happening rn

 

 **crutchie:** (like the discovery channel)

 

 **spot:** (it’s not a good cup of coffee if I don’t get some davey & jack awkward flirting with it)

 

 **davey:** Are the parentheses supposed to be like whispering?

 

 **race:** (shhhh if we’re real quiet the wild davey won’t hear us)

 

 **spot:** (if we stomp with cowboy boots he’ll think we’re jack and run away blushing)

 

 **jack:** davey control your children

 

 **davey:** Oh, so when they’re like this, they’re MY children instead of OURS. Okay.

 

 **kath:** (they just admitted they’re married??)

 

 **crutchie:** (we can’t all be their children if spot and race are dating)

 

 **race:** (incest is a game the whole family can play)

 

 **jack:** EW

 

 **spot:** (it’s almost like jack could finally kiss davey and put an end to all of this)

 

 **davey:** Oh for fucKS SAKE JACK DOESN’T WANT TO KISS ME

 

 **jack:** who said that?

 

 **race:** LIUGBIETLUBGIU PHDSDHHH

 

 **davey:** Um WHAT

_race has created a chat “GKYBRSGIUTRGIUTB”_

 

_race has added spot, crutchie, kath to “GKYBRSGIUTRGIUTB”_

 

 **race:** OH MY GFOSO OH MY GOD ITS HAPPENING

 

 **crutchie:** I CAN’T WATC H LIUBIDBVIU

 

 **kath:** IM NOT EVEN LOOKING AT THEIR MESSAGES I CAN’T IM SCREAMING

 

 **spot:** think they’ll thank me at their wedding

 

 **race:** THEY BETTER I FUCLONG LOVE U

 

 **kath:** chances that jack busts out of the car when we get to davey’s and kisses him right there

 

 **crutchie:** I’d bet my last working leg on it

 

 **spot:** we’re getting in the car now and jack only looked away from his phone long enough to get in

 

 **kath:** AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

_meanwhile_

 

_“nyu bound bitches”_

 

 **jack:** you can read, dave. who said I don’t want to kiss you?

 

 **davey:** UM ME?? OUR FRIENDSHIP?? I THOUGHT YOU DIDN’T LIKE ME??????

 

 **davey:** JACK ANSWER ME BEFORE I START HYPERVENTILATING

 

 **jack:** I was getting in the car breathe dave

 

 **jack:** and I thought you knew I liked you and you was just being nice without having to turn me down

 

 **davey:** IM GOING TO KILL YOU JACK KELLY

 

 **jack:** WHY YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WENT ON A DATE

 

 **davey:** BECAUSE I GAVE UP HOPE ON YOU EVER ASKING ME OUT

 

 **jack:** FOR HAVING A 4.0 GPA YOU ARE REAL STUPID DAVEY JACOBS

 

 **davey:** When will you be here?

 

 **jack:** like 10 minutes why

 

 **davey:** Here’s how it’s going to go: In 10 minutes you are going to get out of your brother’s car, come kiss me, and then we’re never going to stop. Understood, Jackie?

 

 **jack:** LIUBGWITGRBLITRBIH

 

 **jack:** yup yeah yuppers yes absolutely read you loud and clear

 

 **race:** make him call you daddy while you’re at it jeeeesus dave

 

 **kath:** FFS RACE

 

 **crutchie:** we’re here dave and jack just smelled his breath

 

 **kath:** everyone type out your in the moment thoughts so I can save this moment forever

 

 **spot:** jack tripped getting out of the car

 

 **crutchie:** what if mama Jacobs answers the door instead of da-nvm

 

 **kath:** davey was totally waiting at the door to accost him

 

 **race:** okay okay wow yeah that’s a kiss

 

 **race:** jeeeeesus spot take notes have you been holding out on me?

 

 **spot:** I’ll come back there and show you a fucking kiss racetrack

 

 **crutchie** : …so this is awkward

 

 **kath:** what being surrounded by our best friends making out?

 

 **crutchie:** im seeing tongue kath

 

 **kath:** meh hey crutch if we’re both single by 35 wanna get married for the tax benefits while those idiots marry for love and other gross stuff

 

 **crutchie:** oh absolutely


	11. 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jack is a gay disaster and race is taking davey on a date now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1000 HITS???? I LOVE Y'ALL SO MUCH 
> 
> im sorry this is hella short but i appreciate y'all so fucking much so i wanted to put something out

_“no some1 is going to fucking die”_

 

_4:45pm_

 

 **jack:** CODE RED CODE RED

 

 **race:** those bruises on davey’s neck are from u pal

 

 **jack:** LGTLGNTKKD NOT THAT

 

_jack has renamed “no some1 is going to fucking die” “date night support group”_

 

 **spot:** seriously someone save me he’s tried on the same three shirts for the last fucking hour

 

 **kath:** oooooo you should wear that white and red flannel

 

 **spot:** THANK YOU THAT’S WHAT I SAID AN HOUR AGO

 

 **jack:** but dave has seen me in that a thousand times

 

 **race:** and now ur giving him the chance to get you out of it

 

 **crutchie:** I mean he’s not wrong

 

 **spot:** if you bring davey back home tonight I swear I’ll make mama medda make you keep the door open jack

 

 **jack:** WE ARE GETTING OFF TRACK

 

 **jack:** okay I will wear the flannel where the fuck do I take him

 

 **kath:** …..you haven’t already planned out where to take him?

 

 **race:** r u really surprised?

 

_meanwhile_

 

_spot to davey_

 

 **spot:** hypothetically

 

 **spot:** where would you want jack to take you on your date tonight

**spot:** hypothetically of course

 

 **davey:** ……he’s just now thinking about that, isn’t he?

 

 **spot:** dave don’t make me beg I don’t have enough brain cells left to deal with this

 

 **davey:** Why am I in love with him?

 

 **davey:** Well, if he hypothetically hadn’t chosen where to take me, I’d say something we haven’t done before. Which is difficult.

 

 **spot:** ideas davey I need ideas before I kill my brother

 

 **davey:** I DON’T KNOW

 

 **davey:** That pottery painting place just opened downtown.

 

 **spot:** he does love to paint shit

 

 **spot:** don’t wear anything you’d hate to get paint on

 

 **davey:** Hypothetically

 

 **spot:** hypothetically

 

_“date night support group”_

 

 **spot:** what about that pottery painting place downtown?

 

 **crutchie:** color me mine?

 

 **kath:** that’s PERFECT

 

 **race:** awWWWWWW MAKE ME SOMETHING JACKIE

 

 **jack:** no but that is a good idea spot

 

 **jack:** going to change shirts tho I refuse to get paint on this flannel

 

 **spot:** everyone say goodbye to jack bc im gonna kill him

 

 **race:** bye jack!!!!!! u were a good friend!!!!!

 

 **crutchie:** rip jack kelly

 

 **kath:** 1947-2019

 

 **kath:** it’s been ten minutes of radio silence from them

 

 **race:** think I could get on tv “how my boyfriend killed my best friend”

 

 **crutchie:** “plot twist: they were brothers”

 

 **jack:** spot locked me in the pantry

 

 **spot:** it’s what you deserve

 

 **race:** guess I’ll have to take dave on the date then what should I wear

 

_jack has added davey to “date night support group”_

 

 **jack:** dave tell spot to let me out of the pantry

 

 **spot:** you really went there?

 

 **davey:** Do I even want to know?

 

 **race:** probably not all u gotta kno is im taking u on a date now

 

 **davey:** Spot, please let my boyfriend out of the pantry so I don’t have to go on a date with YOUR boyfriend.

 

 **crutchie:** we are the weirdest group of friends on the planet


	12. 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which house hunting begins and some relationship worries are solved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyoooo im trying out a new way of writing these chapters aka having multiple chats in one update so lemme know if you like it

_“nyu bound bitches”_

 

_Wednesday 8:38 am_

 

**davey:** Did anyone else just realize we’re graduating in a month?

 

**race:** I thought I felt something _ominous_ in the air this morning

 

**race:** did I use that word right mom?

 

**davey:** Yes, Race, and I’m very proud of you!

 

**race:** how does davey’s approval feel better than my own moms?

 

**spot:** you once threatened to sell her bc she forgot to get you curly fries from jack in the box

 

**spot:** so I’m not shocked

 

**crutchie:** that’s so valid

 

**race:** thank u crutch

 

**kath:** you know we should start looking at places near campus that can hold all this chaos

 

**jack:** ew house hunting

 

 

 

_davey to kath_

 

_Wednesday 9:10 am_

 

**davey:** Please don’t hold this over me for the rest of our lives, but I need advice.

 

**kath:** oh my GOD YOU’RE PREGNANT

 

**davey:** No, Kath, no. How would that even be possible?

 

**kath:** science is wack these days boyo

 

**kath:** so what’s up? you’re not freaking out over graduation are you?

 

**davey:** No, just lubflerbglhbgjh okay all of us moving in together for college!!!!

 

**kath:**????

 

**kath:** ….you don’t want to move in with us??????

 

**davey:** NO NO NO!!! I couldn’t survive college without you guys, let’s be real.

 

**davey:** My skin actually starts to itch when I haven’t seen you guys for a few days.

 

**davey:** Which, Sarah thinks is a medical condition and she’s probably right!

 

**kath:** davey

 

**davey:** Right, anyway, it’s moving in with Jack that has me lbfeliugbtlhbgl. It’s just, we’ve been dating for like two whole months and we’ll probably share a room because it’s cheaper. And that’s just !!!!!!!!

 

**kath:** oh my sweet sweet jewish bby boy

 

**davey:** Don’t ever call me that again.

 

**kath:** look at it this way, my sweet gumdrop, if you guys never started dating you’d still volunteer to share a room anyway right?

 

**kath:** bc even without the kissing and shit you’re attached at the hip

 

**davey:** I guess.

 

**kath:** your ability to put up with each other in confined spaces hasn’t changed bc you finally got your shit together and made out

 

**kath:** you’ll just have to talk about boundaries and shit more. and hell get bunk beds if it makes you feel better about moving “too fast” even tho jack would be sleeping with you before the first week is up lbr

 

**davey:** LUIBERILGBEUI You’re right, Kath. Thank you, I don’t know why I was freaking out.

 

**kath:** bc you’re davey jacobs and your primary characteristic is anxiety

 

**davey:** I mean you’re right but it’s rude to point it out.

 

 

 

_“nyu bound bitches”_

 

_Thursday 3:14 pm_

 

**race:** ok but can we get a house with a spiral staircase

 

**davey:** Why?

 

**race:** wanna slide down the railing in one go. its on my bucket list

 

**kath:** mood I’ll add it to the list

 

**crutchie:** what’s on the list so far

 

**kath:** 1st floor room – crutchie

          no attic (might be someone living in there) – davey

          soundproof room – race (gross)

          breakfast nook – spot (adorable)

          a time-out room for unruly couples – me (fucking valid)

          pets allowed (spot can’t help it he just grabs any stray he sees) – jack

          spiral staircase – race

 

**spot:** I hate you, jack

 

**davey:** Glad to see we have our priorities straight.

 

**jack:** this group does nothing straight

 

**race:** its part of our charm

 

**crutchie:** except…I’m straight???

 

**davey:** And Kath is bi, so she does some things straight.

 

**spot:** irrelevant

 

 

 

_spot to jack_

 

_Thursday 9:45 pm_

 

**spot:** hey smelly

 

**jack:** why don’t you ever just come into my room?

 

**spot:** im lazy that’s why

 

**spot:** and your paint fumes make me want to die

 

**spot:** so does your face

 

**jack:** love you too bro what’s up

 

**spot:** race kicks in his sleep

 

**spot:** like he never fucking stops moving. ever

 

**jack:** did he sneak thru your window again??? mama is gonna kill you both one of these days

 

**spot:** shut up

 

**spot:** the point is I can usually make up the sleep I lose the next night when he’s not here

 

**jack:** ah I think I’m picking up what you’re taking five fucking years to vague at me

 

**jack:** you don’t want to share a bed when we all move in together

 

**spot:** yee

 

**jack:** you could have just led with that

 

**spot:** it took you twenty minutes to finally just say “mama I’m dating davey” you don’t get to talk

 

**jack:** fair. do you think that’s like a trait for emotionally damaged adopted kids

 

**spot:** probably

 

**spot:** what do I do?

 

**spot:** not that I’ll do what you tell me. ever.

 

**jack:** god you’re annoying

 

**jack:** just tell him??? it’s racer I don’t think he knows how to be offended by anything

 

**spot:** except that one time specs tried to correct his barrel roll turn

 

**jack:** yeah well that was specs’ fault

 

**jack:** the point still stands. you’ve been together for over a year, your relationship can handle bunk beds

 

**jack:** except maybe don’t get bunk beds bc if he takes the top bunk he’d kick himself off of it and davey would have a breakdown

 

**jack:** spot????

 

**spot:** he’s fine with it

 

**jack:** …..did you seriously wake him up just to tell him you want separate beds

 

**spot:** yee unlike you I don’t take three years to discuss my feelings with the love of my life

 

**jack:** low blow

 

**jack:** wait WAIT

 

**jack:** DID YOU JUST

 

**spot:** shut the fuck up smelly

 

**jack:** AWWWWW IS HE RACE “LOVE OF MY LIFE”  HIGGINS IN YOUR PHONE

 

**spot:** I will lock you in the pantry again


	13. 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kath decided she wanted a girlfriend and i aim to please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i did not expect the love im getting for this fic like???? i started this as something to just fuck around with and now it's the one fic i look forward to writing CONSTANTLY and you guys have just been so sweet and wholesome with your comments and i just can't handle it. i love you lots and lots

_“nyu bound bitches”_

 

_Monday 6:54 am_

 

 **race:** why does time like exist???

 

 **race:** the _audacity_ of it it all

 

 **davey:** I see someone is enjoying the word of the day calendar I got him.

 

 **kath:** is that why you called me gluttonous at dinner last night?

 

 **race:** u stOLE THE LAST PIECE OF PIZZA U SCUM

 

 **kath:** not my fault you were too busy staring at spot’s ass to notice the pizza was almost gone

 

 **race:** how many times do I gotta say SPOTS ASS IS IMPORTANT TO ME

 

 **jack:** pls stop it’s too early to talk about my brother’s ass

 

 **race:** its never too early to talk about art jack

 

 **spot:** I hate you all

 

 **spot:** also time doesn’t exist you fools

 

 **crutchie:** think about it this way only 3 more weeks of getting up at this hour

 

 **kath:** god bless

 

 

_kath has renamed “nyu bound bitches” “5 cockblocks and kath”_

 

_Monday 1:14 pm_

 

 **kath:** not for the first time since befriending you assholes, you’ve managed to cockblock me

 

 **race:** I haven’t seen u since lunch????

 

 **race:** how dare u slander my good name in davey’s good jewish server????

 

 **jack:** I was there and she’s not wrong

 

 **davey:** What happened, Kath?

 

 **kath:** jack having no concept of personal space is what happened

 

 **crutchie:** to be fair that happens every second of the day

 

 **jack:** pffffft fine see if I ever give you a piggy back ride again crutchie

 

 **crutchie:** I don’t define you seeing me rubbing my leg and deciding to carry me on your back as “giving me a piggyback ride”

 

 **jack:** R U D E

 

 **kath:** ANYWAYS AS I WAS SAYING

 

 **kath:** there I was, chatting up smalls, you know the girl on the debate team, while we’re in study hall. and she was totally into it but then comes jack fucking kelly, asking for a pencil then kissing my cheek and saying “by the way the guys want to try a new place for taco tuesday date night” and just leaves

 

 **race:** …but we do want to try that new place at the mall for taco tuesday date night

 

 **kath:** IT’S NOT THAT IT’S THE FACT THAT JACK TOTALLY INSINUATED THAT IM DATING BOTH JACK AND THE REST OF YOU

 

 **kath:** she literally backed off and said “you are so lucky to have such loving boyfriends” and asked to go to the bathroom from which she never came back

 

 **race:** I mean u are lucky to have boyfriends like us

 

 **spot:** at least she was open-minded about polyamory. kudos to her

 

 **kath:** I actually hate you all

 

 **davey:** Just tell her you’re not in a poly relationship!

 

 **jack:** mainly bc that’s implying that you’re dating both me and spot and that’s just y i k e s

 

 **crutchie:** and it implies that spot and race are willing to share each other

 

 **race:** i'd share spot with kath bc i'm a real bro

 

 **kath:** I’m revoking my acceptance into nyu and going to live with Sarah so I never have to speak to any of you ever again

 

 **davey:** I mean, she’s my sister so that would be kind of hard to achieve.

 

_kath has left “5 cockblocks and kath”_

 

 **race:** well now the group chat name is just misleading

 

_race renamed “5 cockblocks and kath” “some gays and crutchie”_

 

_davey added kath to “some gays and crutchie”_

 

 **davey:** Kath, I’m begging you! Please do not leave me alone with them.

 

 **kath:** you’re lucky you’re my favorite david jacobs

 

 **jack:**  R U D E

 

 **crutchie:** R U D E

 

 **race:** R U D E

 

 **spot:** rude

 

_jack to kath_

 

_Monday 2:45_

 

 **jack:** would you be a treasure and meet me in front of my art class after school

 

 **jack:** I need help carrying some shit to spot’s car

 

 **kath:** you know you’ve got a boyfriend to do that for you now

 

 **jack:** aw it’s adorable that you think davey would carry my shit for me

 

 **kath:** fair

 

 

_2:55 pm_

 

 **kath:** heading over now

 

 **kath:** jack??? where tf are you?

 

 **kath:** oh O H you little shit

 

 **kath:** you beautiful, lovely human bean

 

 **jack:** I’m guessing smalls was there?? I hoped she’d listen to me lol

 

 **kath:** how did you convince her I wasn’t dating any of you

 

 **jack:** told her that the majority of us were completely and totally gay for our boyfriends

 

 **jack:** enjoy your date, I want a text every hour on the hour so we know you’re okay

 

 **jack:** and make sure you text spot if you need a ride home

 

 **jack:** also davey says your curfew is 11 pm

 

 **kath:** way to ruin the moment

 

 **jack** : LOVE YOU

 

 **kath:**  HATE YOU

 

 

“ _some gays and crutchie”_

 

_Monday 7:58 pm_

 

 **kath:** oh god I see why you guys do this dating thing

 

 **davey:** Did you get home alright?

 

 **kath:** yes mom

 

 **race:** focus on the important shit mom

 

 **race:** DID U GET LAID

 

 **crutchie:** jfc race

 

 **kath:** no I didn’t and I’m s h o o k

 

 **kath:** all I could think about was how cute her laugh was and how I wanted to hold her hand????? what the fuck is that shit????

 

 **kath:** do I have a disease????????!!!!!!!

 

 **spot:** no kath that’s a crush

 

 **jack:** AWWWWW DAVE LOOK OUR BABIES ARE GROWING UP

 

 **kath:** AWWWWW SHUT UP JACK

 

 **race:** oh shit spot jack and me wanted to go play laser tag this weekend while davey and crutch s t u d y

 

 **davey:** Spot, Jack, and I*

 

 **race:** u should bring her along

 

 **race:** shut up mom

 

 **kath:** as long as you’re on your best fucking behavior

 

 **race:** i’ll be a beacon of sanity 

 

 **spot:** this is probably a mistake

 

 **kath:** oh for sure but she’s going to have to pass the initiation eventually if I plan to keep going out with her

 

 **davey:** Do you plan to keep going out with her?

 

 **kath:** she has D I M P L E S

 

 **crutchie:** when did t h i s become a trend

 

 **jack:** it’s for e m p h a s i s

 

 **jack:** anyway I think it’s a brilliant idea and you should definitely bring her kath

 

 **kath:** yeah okay maybe I’ll have her sit with us at lunch tomorrow and see how that goes over first

 

 **davey:** Probably for the best.

 

 

_“some gays and crutchie”_

 

_Tuesday 12:45 pm_

 

 **race:** I like smalls

 

 **race:** I approve

 

 **spot:** you only liked her bc she was the only one who laughed when you stuck fries up your nose

 

 **race:** not my fault u guys are _desensitized_ to how funny I am

 

 **jack:** race I will confiscate your word of the day calendar

 

 **davey:** You will do no such thing.

 

 **race:** THANKS MOM

 

 **kath:** so you guys actually liked her?

 

 **crutchie:** yeah she was cool

 

 **jack:** she wasn’t put off by spot’s entire, you know, being so she must be a little warped in the head. she’ll fit right in

 

 **spot:** I’m positive mama will not object to me strangling you to death

 

 **davey:** I liked her, Kath!! You have my approval.

 

 **kath:** the only approval I was actually after

 

 **race:** wow fine see if I let u have the extra taco I always buy but never eat tonight smh

 

 **kath:** how will I ever go on?

 

 

_kath to race_

 

_Thursday 4:45 pm_

 

 **kath:** I need you to knock some sense into me

 

 **race:** absolutely not. those boots were perfect with your jacket today and I won’t let u believe otherwise

 

 **kath:** olugbrtlubgiut thanks love

 

 **kath:** but it’s about smalls

 

 **kath:** am I being an idiot

 

 **race:** on the idiot scale for our group u represent the zero side so no u ain’t

 

 **kath:** hold up you don’t consider dave the least idiotic

 

 **race:** did u not see him run into that pole when jack bent over to tie his shoe???

 

 **kath:** to be fair jack’s pants were really fucking tight and his ass looked great

 

 **race:** ur not wrong but that fact remains that davey is fucking stupid when it comes to jack so he can’t be the least idiotic

 

 **race:** so whats eating u

 

 **race:** since smalls obviously isn’t

 

 **race:** god I’m so fucking funny

 

 **kath:** that’s not what I would call it but okay

 

 **kath:** just is it dumb to be starting something with smalls when I’m literally leaving in three months

 

 **race:** kath ur not shipping off to oxford or some shit

 

 **kath:** she’s going to florida state

 

 **race:** ….shit

 

 **kath:** yeah

 

 **race:** look call me a hopeless romantic or whateva but I don’t think u should let that sway u from acting on ur feelings now

 

 **race:** its 3 whole months away and fuck in 2 weeks she could start getting annoyed by my random bouts of tap dancing or hate the way jack forgets he’s using permanent markers when drawing on us

 

 **kath:** and then I’d have to break up with her

 

 **race:** awwwwwww

 

 **race:** ur right but awwwww ur so sweet

 

 **race:** all I’m saying is enjoy it while u can its like we always tell davey – chill the fuck out and worry about tomorrow when tomorrow gets here

 

 **race:** she may turn out to be something hella fucking special and the distance won’t even matter

 

 **kath:** hella?

 

 **race:** hella.

 

 **kath:** I guess you’re right. you’re real wise when you wanna be

 

 **race:** I’m telling u that word of the day calendar is really doing things to me

 

 **kath:** LUBFLRBGTRUBIU thanks race

 

 **race:** u is welcome now could u come open ur front door I swear I smell ur dad’s steak and potatoes

 

 **kath:** …..why are you outside my house

 

 **race:** totally started walking over when u texted bc I knew u must really be freaking out to text M E instead of davey

 

 **kath:** LIUBRTLEIGBLITUBGJHRBJH

 

 **kath:** you’re a good fucking friend racer I’ll be right down

 

 **race:** idk bout that I also just know ur dad makes bomb-ass steak on thursday nights

 

 **race:** I have priorities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think im going to make the next series of chapters like centered on one character. so this one was about kath and idk who'll be next but as soon as i start writing it im sure these little shits will tell me who wants the spotlight


	14. the minecraft one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gays and crutchie find their old minecraft server. it goes about as well as you would expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i said i would do the next few chapters based on each character but i kinda bought minecraft and didn't stop playing it for a solid week and this spawned from that

_“some gays and crutchie”_

 

_Saturday, 4:23 pm_

 

 **race:** nobody panic

 

 **jack:** don’t say that when you’re hanging out with dave I’ll have a heart attack

 

 **race:** we ain’t hanging out

 

 **race:** its our weekly “help why are we dating those short kids medda larkin adopted” meeting

 

 **kath:** I’m not joking when I say that is my favorite thing in the world rn

 

 **crutchie:** please focus what are we supposed to not be panicking about racer

 

 **race:** we found our old Minecraft server

 

 **spot:** davey, race delete that server now and nobody gets hurt

 

 **davey:** ……..

 

 **race:** yikes about that darling

 

 **davey:** On a totally unrelated note, do any of you still have Minecraft downloaded?

 

 **jack:** you idiots paid to open the server back up, didn’t you?

 

 **kath** : I THOUGHT WE AGREED TO ABANDON THAT SERVER

 

 **kath:** FOR OUR OWN SANITY

 

 **crutchie:** finals are coming in a week, why have you done this?

 

 **spot:** see this is why we don’t leave the two of you alone together

 

 **davey:** Spot, our mansion with the underground rollercoaster is still here.

 

 **spot:** …..fuck you, jacobs let me get my laptop

 

 **crutchie:** wait didn’t kath, jack, and I make a fully functioning Target

 

 **davey:** Yeah, but I saw Race with TNT so who knows how long it will last.

 

 **kath:** RACE DON’T YOU DARE IM LAUNCHING THE GAME AND I SWEAR IF THERE’S ONE HOLE IN THAT BUILDING I WILL KILL YOU

 

 **jack:** spot, quick have you seen my laptop charger

 

 **spot:** it’s in the box of cheerios

 

 **jack:** what the shit

 

 **spot:** this is what happens when you steal my shoes smelly

 

 **crutchie:** i can’t believe I’m fucking loading up Minecraft in fucking 2019

 

 **race:** careful crutch ur foul language shocked me so much I almost right clicked with flint and coal in my hand

 

 **davey:** I’m going to be baffled if any of us are still friends come Monday.

 

 

_Sunday, 2:12 am_

 

 **spot:** egg ran away that’s it I have nothing left to live for

 

 **crutchie:** I told you not to destroy his lead. never seen a cat bail so fast

 

 **jack:** didn’t you tame it like 30 minutes ago

 

 **race:** LET THE MAN MOURN EGG

 

 **kath:** gone but never forgotten

 

 **davey:** Do you want to have a Celebration of Life Ceremony for Egg, Spot?

 

 **spot:** ……

 

 **spot:** yes

 

 

_2:45 am_

**davey:** I’m going to kill one of you.

 

 **race:** some mom u r

 

 **spot:** whO PUT AN ENTIRE LEVEL OF TNT UNDER MINE AND DAVEYS HOUSE

 

 **davey:** Tell the truth and we’ll make it a quick death.

 

 **davey:** Merciful, even.

 

 **kath:** not to be a snitch but weren’t race and jack j u s t bitching about their boyfriends refusing to share a house with them?

 

 **jack:** ….shit

 

 **race:** SCATTER

 

 **crutchie:** okay but are we just ignoring the creeper taking a ride on dave and spot’s rollercoaster or….

 

 **spot:** yes

 

 **davey:** Look it just got in the cart and threatens to blow when we come near. Just leave it be.

 

 **race:** its not the only thing to blow when spot’s near am I right ladies?

 

 **kath:** race where are you I’m going to push you into a lava pit

 

_3:12 am_

 

 **crutchie:** y’all it’s 3 am why are we still playing Minecraft? who have we become?

 

 **kath:** y’all

 

 **race:** y’all

 

 **jack:** y’all

 

 **spot:** y’all

 

 **davey:** Y’all

 

 **crutchie:** mom??? did you just make fun of me????

 

 **davey:** We’ve been playing Minecraft for nearly 12 hours. The Davey you knew before is gone.

 

 **spot:** and he’s been breeding sheep for the last 3 of those hours

 

 **kath:** I keep seeing your sheep farm and forgot to ask why the hell you’re doing that

 

 **davey:** Going to make a pride flag with all the colored sheep.

 

 **jack:** you’re my favorite person in the whole goddamn world, jacobs.

 

 **davey:** I’m still not going to move into your dirt hut.

 

 **jack:** worst boyfriend ever

 

 **race:** dave is blushing like mad jack

 

 **crutchie:** why are you still at davey’s?

 

 **race:** and close my laptop so jack can steal my llamas while I’m gone? in ur dreams

 

 **jack:** I DON’T WANT YOUR LLAMAS RACER

 

 **race:** LIES I SEE U STARING AT THEM JACK KELLY

 

 **crutchie:** jfc I’m going to bed, you absolute disasters

 

 

_3:45 am_

 

 **spot:** I think we lost kath

 

 **jack:** what do you mean?

 

 **spot:** her character has been standing in davey’s sheep farm for the past 10 minutes

 

 **race:** hold on I’ll wack her and see if she _eviscerates_ me

 

 **davey:** Proud of you.

 

 **race:** thanks mom

 

 **race:** ok im going in

 

 **race:** target has been wacked with a diamond shovel and has yet to react

 

 **race** : I think we lost her boys

 

 **davey:** I’m going to build her a one by one home so nothing kills her when night comes.

 

 **race:** even with ur head literally dropping on my shoulder every couple of minutes ur still such a mom

 

 **jack:** I’m trusting you to make sure he gets _some_ sleep tonight. now, spot, want to go attack that village on the mountain and steal their horses?

 

 **spot:** why?

 

 **jack:** why not

 

 **spot:** valid let’s go

 

 **race:** dave finished building kath’s cage of protection and immediately fell asleep on my shoulder

 

 **race:** what a legend

 

 **jack:** please put my boyfriend to bed, race.

 

 **race:** ugh fine im tapping us out fellas

 

 **race:** love you spot

 

 **race:** and if im missing one llama jack istfg

 

 **spot:** yeah yeah you’re alright too. go to bed, idiot.

 

 **jack:** I DON’T WANT YOUR LLAMAS

 

 

_jack to spot_

 

_3:55 am_

 

 **jack:** should I bring my godlen sword or diamond?

 

 **spot:** godlen

 

 **spot:** golden, the villagers ain’t important enough for the diamond sword

 

 **jack:** you’re right

 

 **jack:** let’s do this

 

 **spot:** oh god okay

 

 **jack:** THEY ARE VERY ANGRY ABOUT THIS SPOT

 

 **spot:** I FORGOT ABOUT THE FUCKING VILLAGE PROTECTORS SMELLY THIS WAS STUPID

 

 **jack:** I’m hiding in one of the houses you’re on your own buddy

 

 **spot:** FUCK YOU JACK

 

 **jack:** I HAVE ALL OF RACE’S DIAMONDS ON ME IF I DIE HE’LL KILL ME

 

 **spot:** WHY DO YOU HAVE ALL OF – you know what don’t answer that

 

 **jack:** I stole them obviously. oooooo watch out I think you pissed off the pillagers too

 

 **spot:** WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE

 

 **jack:** new villain dudes

 

 **spot:** NOPE. IM OUT, THEY CAN’T KILL ME IF I LEAVE THE WORLD HA

 

 **jack:** pussy

 

 **spot:** says the guy who was hiding behind a potted cactus

 

 **jack:** shut up go to bed

 

 **spot:** don’t tell me what to do

 

 **jack:** GOODNIGHT SPOT

 

 **spot:** night smelly

 

 

_“some gays and crutchie”_

 

_Sunday, 10:12 am_

 

 **kath:** thank you for my cage davey

 


	15. 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which davey is a mess but his friends love him anyways

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> faaaaaammmmm im so sorry it's been so long you would not believe how much minecraft i've been playing plus the writers block i've developed. as promised this update is davey centric and an excuse to throw my anxieties about student loans onto someone else.
> 
> apologies for the shortness but i wanted to get something out after a month of nothing. love y'all
> 
> (idk how nyu's performing arts program works so i just bs'ed it)

_“some gays and crutchie”_

_Monday, 7:43 am_

 

 **davey:** I feel sick. I’m never playing Minecraft all weekend ever again.

 

 **race:** I’m on a combined total of about 4 hours of sleep I feel fantastic

 

 **race:** pretty sure I could take over the world

 

 **kath:** remember mom’s rule

 

 **race:** ugh no world domination until after school

 

 **jack:** dave are you okay to go to school

 

 **davey:** Yes, Jack. I’m just sleep deprived.

 

 **race:** staying up for mine and spots Minecraft wedding was totally worth it tho

 

 **crutchie:** the fight over who got jack as their best man was far more entertaining

 

 **kath:** in the end I was a far better best man wasn’t I race?

 

 **race:** u was perfect kath

 

 **jack:** r u d e

 

 

 

_12:12 pm_

 

 **spot:** davey where are you jack’s starting to get hives

 

 **jack:** shut UP SPOT

 

 **jack:** but where are you it’s Monday which means we get to share a pretzel

 

 **kath:** you’re pathetic

 

 **davey:** I’m heading to the Office, have a meeting with my counselor. I’ll see you guys in a bit!

 

 **crutchie:** everything good?

 

 **davey:** Of course! Save me some pretzel, Jack, I forgot my lunch today.

 

 **jack:** you can share mine

 

 

 

_davey to jack_

_12:45 pm_

**davey:** Sorry I never made it to lunch. Meeting took ages.

 

 **jack:** it’s okay, crutchie and race stole the pretzel anyway

 

 **jack:** what was it about?

 

 **davey:** Nothing bad. Just some transcripts and stuff for NYU.

 

 **davey:** But, hey, let Spot know I don’t need a ride home. Sarah’s in town and she’s picking me up.

 

 **jack:** kay

 

 **jack:** davey are you sure you’re okay

 

 **davey:** ILUBFELIUGBUI I’m fine, Jackie. Everything’s fine, stop worrying.

 

 **jack:** you is the worrier in this relationship after all

 

 **davey:** *You are

 

 **davey:** And yes, yes I am.

 

 

 

_jack has created a new chat “davey protection squad”_

_jack has added spot, race, kath, crutchie to “davey protection squad”_

_Thursday 9:12 am_

 

 **jack:** alright whose been staying up late playing Minecraft with davey

 

 **kath:** what are you on about?

 

 **crutchie:** we agreed no Minecraft until after finals

 

 **jack:** I can not be the only one noticing davey looking dead on his feet

 

 **race:** he has seemed a bit _off_

 

 **spot:** he fell asleep in 3rd period yesterday

 

 **jack:** WHAT

 

 **kath:** davey doesn’t fall asleep in class

 

 **spot:** I know our teacher was so shocked she kind of just let him sleep

 

 **jack:** WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THIS SPOT

 

 **spot:** shrug

 

 **jack:** did you just type shrug right now

 

 **race:** god I love u spot

 

 **crutchie:** children, focus.

 

 **race:** right do ya think he’s being pushed around again?

 

 **kath:** nah the delancey’s became all chill and shit after pushing him about last time

 

 **race:** I still think that’s just because oscar started dating Romeo and Romeo likes us

 

 **jack:** I don’t think he’s getting bullied it’s something else

 

 **crutchie:** do you think somethings happened at home?

 

 **kath:** he would tell us if it was something like that

 

 **kath:** wouldn’t he?

 

 **spot:** if it was that I’m sure sarah would ask us to keep an eye on him

 

 **crutchie:** what does he say when you ask, jack?

 

 **jack:** claims he’s fine of course

 

 **spot:** it could be finals stress and we’re just overthinking it

 

 **jack:** I hope so

 

 

 

_davey to sarah_

_Saturday, 2:30 am_

 

 **davey:** Ha! Fun fact: student loan debt is forgiven if you die!

 

 **davey:** How NICE OF THEM

 

 **sarah:** dave I love you but go to bed and stop looking at your financial aid shit

 

 **davey:** Oh, I’m not even looking at the paperwork. I just see it whenever I close my eyes.

 

 **davey:** Roughly $200,000, Sarah. What am I thinking?????

 

 **sarah:** that you’re going get your degree at a prestigious fucking college and be headlining a broadway musical the day after you graduate with your unfair voice and race doing some fucking insane twirls behind you

 

 **sarah:** you have to stop making yourself sick over this I’m still paying off my loans but I’m doing alright aren’t I?

 

 **davey:** I know I know. It’s just a lot of money for a pipe dream, Sarah.

 

 **sarah:** I know, dave but like they don’t just accept anyone into nyu lmao. something in your audition tape (again its ur voice and I’m offended by it) made them want you, that means it will be WORTH IT

 

 **sarah:** surely this is something jack and your band of emotional support humans have already told you.

 

 **davey:** Yeah….about that.

 

 **sarah:** …….

 

 **sarah:** you haven’t told them any of this have you david

 

 **davey:** Don’t David me! Look, finals are next week and the last thing I wanted to do was shove my anxiety over money down their throats.

 

 **sarah:** they do know about your performing arts audition, though. right?

 

 **davey:** OF COURSE NOT

 

 **sarah:** DAVID JACOBS

 

 **davey:** TELLING THEM WOULD HAVE MADE IT REAL OKAY???

 

 **davey:** Then it wouldn’t be just me who knew I wasn’t good enough if I didn’t get in.

 

 **sarah:** wtf do they think you’re going to college for then???

 

 **davey:** Psych – which isn’t a lie!!! It will just be my minor.

 

 **sarah** : davey I get your fears about all of this but those idiots love you so much it makes ME sick. I’ve never seen a group of friends like you lot, they would legit walk through fire for you. now tell me what you would want if, say, race were dealing with what you’re dealing with? you’d want him to let you guys help.

 

 **davey:** Well, yeah.

 

 **sarah:**  exactly!!!!you’ve got an amazing boyfriend and a group of weirdly clingy best friends who are willing to help you mop up the anxious puddles you melt into

 

 **sarah:** and of course I’m here for you always just like les and mom and dad but so are they so stop keeping this from them and let all of us just take care of you idiot.

 

 **davey:** I guess. Love you

 

 **sarah:** love you too ya big dumb

 

 **davey:** Friendship isn’t going to give me $200,000 though.

 

 **sarah:** UILBFSRIBGITRUBUIEB valid

 

 **sarah:** go to bed and talk to ur fucking friends in the morning

 

 **davey:** Ugh. Spot is going to kick my ass.

 

 **sarah:** you’ll lowkey deserve it. night, dave

 

 **davey:** Night, Sarah. And thank you.

 

 

_race to davey_

_Saturday, 10:30 am_

 

 **race:** hey mom are we still on for our weekly ‘complain about jack and spot while you help me study’ day or

 

 **davey:** Of course, we are. Why wouldn’t we?

 

 **race:** don’t take this the wrong way but u been weird all week just wasn’t sure if u were up for dealing with yours truly

 

 **davey:** No, no, Race. No matter what is going on with with me I’ll always want to hang out with you.

 

 **race:** what has been going on? everyones fucking worried dave

 

 **davey:** Just don’t worry about it.

 

 **race:** ok u kno what that may be working for jack but not I david get in the group chat

 

 **davey:** Racer it’s fine!

 

 **race:** GROUP CHAT DAVID JACOBS

 

 

 

_“some gays and crutchie”_

_Saturday, 10:38 am_

 

 **race:** oh look everyone its davey

 

 **race:** he’s going to tell us what the FUCK HAS BEEN GOING ON

 

 **davey:** I am?

 

 **race:** yes

 

 **spot:** yes

 

 **crutchie:** yes

 

 **kath:** yes

 

 **jack:** davey, c’mon. put us outta our misery.

 

 **davey:** It all just seems so silly when I try to explain it.

 

 **kath:** boyo we know you deal with things a little differently than us

 

 **race:** bc a n x i e t y

 

 **kath:** yes thank you race. whatever is bothering you isn’t silly

 

 **davey:** Okay, just please don’t be too mad.

 

 **davey:** It’s just !!!!!! NYU is very expensive!!! And we’re barely middleclass in the Jacobs Family. It’s been scaring me a bit.

 

 **davey:** A bit is an understatement, my apologies. It’s been scaring me so much I feel sick just thinking about how much debt I’m going to be in.

 

 **race:** lol ur not the only one in that boat davey

 

 **kath:** and just bc some of us aren’t dealing with the same thing we coulda at least helped take your mind off the stress

 

 **davey:** I know, I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to bug you all with my crap.

 

 **jack:** we love your crap though

 

 **crutchie:** yeah your crap is our crap

 

 **kath:** if you need help with any of that EVER you tell us, you understand david jacobs?

 

 **davey:** BUFLEURBOGUBERGEUG Yes, Ma’am.

 

 **davey:** Spot?

 

 **spot:** I’m trying to figure out which brain cell could have convinced you we’d be mad about you worrying over tuition.

 

 **davey:** Okay, okay, okay I can’t back out of this because I told Sarah I’d tell you all and I don’t want to face her wrath if I don’t.

 

 **jack:** dave?

 

 **davey:** Remember that musical theatre phase I had?

 

 **race:** don’t u know how upset I get over that glorious time being just a phase

 

 **race:** we were unstoppable hmph

 

 **kath:** we remember and you were amazing

 

 **davey:** Yeah, so this is the part you may be mad about. I lied about saying my major is Psych. I kind of sent in an audition tape for NYU’s Performing Arts program. And I got in??

 

 **race:** LUBESRGBRUUIREUSBEUB

 

 **kath:** LUIBGERBGUBRGUIG DAVID

 

 **spot:** I’m goinG TO BEAT YOUR ASS

 

 **crutchie:** DAVEY THAT’S AMAZING WHY TF WOULD YOU KEEP THAT FROM US WTF

 

 **davey:** I DIDN’T WANT TO GET ALL OUR HOPES UP JUST FOR ME TO BE REJECTED!!!! Didn’t want you all to know I wasn’t good enough too.

 

 **jack:** spot get your keys

 

 **jack:** kath, crutch, race we’re coming to get you

 

 **jack:** and dave, square up you beautiful bitch I’m coming to kiss the living daylights out of you and then yell at you

 

 **spot:** why do we have to be there for that

 

 **kath:** bc we all need to yell at him too

 

 **crutchie:** and then party because two of our boys are going to be tall, performing stars

 

 **race:** THE THEATRE GAYS ARE BACK TOGETHER FAM

 

 **davey:** I really fucking love you guys.

 

 **spot:** jesus fucking christ watch your language davey

 

 **kath:** we love you too boyo but we’re still going to beat your ass for not telling us

 

 **davey:** LUBGRLGUBRILBUSUI Valid.

**Author's Note:**

> come say hello at willrolcnd.tumblr.com


End file.
